Dilemmas

It’s not yet 7 a.m. and I’m showered, hair done (well, as much as I “do” hair), make-up on, bathroom cleaned, dishwasher emptied, thank you notes written. Whew! That’s crazy, huh? I was up around 5 a.m. I guess. Oh, I think I hear Cate. . . hang on.

That kid is so funny. She wakes up like me. When she’s awake, she’s W I D E awake. There’s no transition time. No lounging there trying to wake up. Nope. She’s up like the sun. She said, “Oh, hi, Mommy. I was playing Powerpuff Girls in my room.” And when I asked her to elaborate she showed me how she was kind of kick boxing in bed like she were fighting some enemies. So funny!

Billy and Emma are not like that. They both have to wake up slowly. It annoys me. Get up already! He fell asleep last night at 8 p.m. and woke up at 6 a.m. and then complains he’s tired. Um, how the heck can you still be tired? I *never* get 10 hours of sleep. I told him he should go to the doctor because that doesn’t even make sense.

Ok, so back to dilemmas. . . I get distracted.

Money is so tight and I spent about $68 on groceries yesterday and then $12 at Chik-fil-a on lunch with the girls. (We had a great time!) I’ve got to go get gas today and go back to another store for things I couldn’t get where I was yesterday so I told Billy I needed some money. Last week I bought the bouncy seat for the baby that MIL said she would buy us. It was $27 and then $5 for batteries and then add on tax so around $30 more or less, right? I called MIL and told her I was buying it because when I went with her the week before they were sold out. She wanted me to go with her the next day to get it but that is so crazy since I was there so I told her no, I’d just get it then. Well, that was last Monday. She never did give me the money for it and I hate to ask. It just feels tacky.

Then yesterday she told me she’d like to buy me one of those nursing gowns and a robe from Motherhood. They are around $40 and I told her that’s too much. I already altered some pajamas with my handy dandy sewing machine and made them into nursing clothes so I don’t really need anything else. You know I’m thinking why don’t you just give me the $40 and let me spend it on stuff we do need for the baby and leave it at that. Ugh. Can’t say that to a MIL though, right?

So my dilemma this morning was do I drive over to the in-laws’ before church and ask her for the $30 for the bouncy seat so I can afford to put gas in the van and get the odds and ends I needed or just suck it up and wait till Thursday when Billy gets paid again and try not to drive much this week?

I asked him this morning and he transferred some money from savings and told me not to worry about it but still I stress. I don’t want to be draining our savings every week. He’s been working a bit more lately so more like 40 hours or more each week. Things seem to be improving a bit at his work and they are allowing him to have the hours again thank God.

I think I’m not going to say anything to MIL about the $30. It’s annoying though because as tight as money is for us that extra expense last week did make a difference thus making it difficult to afford gas, too. *sigh* I hate stressing over such stupid little stuff. If I had a way to make some money from home like I did when I was doing a lot of those sex toy parties, it would be a non-issue but as it is now I’m almost 38 weeks pregnant, quite miserable and incapable of bringing any extra cash in right now.

Maybe someday when things get settled and if I got really good at making those cloth diapers I could sell them online. I was telling my doctor about it and she said she’d even give out my business card because she thought the idea was so great.

Anywho, everything is just annoying lately. I am annoyed with how hard it is to do simple things like carry laundry up and down the steps and taking the trash out. It’s all just hard and Billy helps but sometimes he does it with attitude and then I get pissed off about that. He’s not going to have a day off till next Thursday because he swapped with some guy last week and it messed up his usual days off. I told him he ought to take a day of vacation on Tuesday since he has plenty but he says no because he won’t make as much. I ask him for specifics (exact amount of difference specifically) and he can’t answer my questions and is vague. Grrr.

Oh, and he’s not taking two weeks off now after we have the baby. He’s just taking his four days off so he’ll be home on week and then I’m on my own again. Fun fun. I wish I’d go early because this is starting to really suck and I’m tired.

Well, I guess I need to fix something for breakfast and get us all dressed. Poor little Emma is still sleeping. I have to wake her at 6:15 a.m. Monday through Friday now and it’s so exhausting for her. Kindergarten is a whole other dilemma and rant for another day. The last three days of last week were better for her though so maybe it’s just an adjustment thing. Guess time will tell.

And the Weather Isn’t Helping

I feel so sad and I can’t shake it. It takes all my effort to just do the things I have to do. I forced myself just now to get up and make the beds. Piles of laundry stare me down in my room and leave me feeling overwhelmed. My head hurts and it’s another cloudy day but humid as a steam room for some reason.

Last night we went to Emma’s school for the open house/PTA thing. I was so excited about getting to see her class and talk to the teacher and find out more about what the PTA thing is all about. Well, I shouldn’t have been so optimistic. First, I saw this bitch from the gym – she’s on the PTA board. Ugh. It’s a stupid reason really why I don’t like her but not really essential for this story. And then I see my wackjob neighbor whose daughter that babysat for us a couple of times has really blown up. The mom is pregnant with #7 and due same time as I am. I pray/hope/wish and beg for a miracle that we are not living in this neighborhood 5 years from now. I don’t want our kids to be pals.

After the lame ass PTA meeting where the principal spoke with a microphone that was way too loud, we went to the classroom. I get to see where Emma sits and Billy and I were looking at the various things the teacher had set out for parents to see – cute little pictures of herself where the most prominent features are her huge green eyes and dark curly hair. Funny how kids see themselves. In the pic of the family, Emma is bigger than I am. (She told me this later). I wish I knew how to analyze kids’ drawings. I’m sure there is a wealth of information to be gained from her art.

The teacher approached us and started out saying how sweet Emma is. How she never talks back and she can tell she’s been read to because she pays so much attention to the stories and loves them but then she started up about how she doesn’t really play with the other kids, how she needs a lot of redirection, how sometimes she enters the room in a daze and has to be told to come in and sit down, how the teacher encourages other kids to include Emma. Midway through this little spiel, I can’t stop myself, hot tears start flowing. Ugh. I hate crying in front of people. So the teacher says oh, it’s normal. She’s progressing. Everyone is different. Blah blah blah. . . yeah.

Well, the teacher does seem very warm and compassionate but it was all difficult to hear. Billy and I both left there feeling like huge parental failures. He was blaming himself for passing on his own learning issues to our daughter and I was thinking I should have done more to get her ready for kindergarten this past summer. I really didn’t drill the whole letter thing or work on writing with her. We just enjoyed our summer, ya know? I figured it was the last bit of total freedom before she has two sisters and is a school kid.

I have this awful headache from all the crying last night. I stayed up too late trying to shake the mood. This morning Cate slept in and I worked with Emma a little bit with her letters and read a Fancy Nancy book with her pointing out various letters before getting her out the door and off to school. I hope things get better. I love that little girl so much. I don’t want her life to be hard.

Only 21 Days Till We Have Three

I used to blog daily and sometimes multiple times a day but now I rarely do. I just suck at it. I guess Facebook fulfills my need for instant gratification when I can update my status with a simple sentence and get near instantaneous feedback.

Today was a good day. Billy was off finally. It’s been over two weeks since his vasectomy and now he’s finally fine! I am so glad. I can tell you for 100% certain I do not ever want to be pregnant again. I’m ready to move on with my life. Three kids is plenty and I’m kind of glad they’re all girls to be honest.

We all got ready in a big hurry and went to church even though he was not enthused about going. I amaze myself with how fast I can get ready to be somewhere. Seriously, how many women do you know can put make-up on and dress themselves in about 10 minutes? Ha. Well, not that I’m very high maintenance and I’d already showered but still.

I had the warmest, coziest feeling as I sat in church next to my husband knowing the girls were having fun in the library during children’s church. It really felt good. It’s a Baptist church and we are NOT Baptists. I will never be baptized in front of a crowd nor will I stand up and give my testimony. I don’t feel called to witness to strangers but I really enjoy the preacher’s sermons and the Sunday school class. I take what I like from the faith and ignore the rest.

Today in the bulletin there was a leaflet about this thing they are doing next month. It’s so totally wonderful and really if I weren’t having a baby next month I’d be all for it. What it boils down to is random acts of kindness but they are calling it outreach and taking it beyond the walls of the church. There are 14 different acts you can volunteer to help with. The people in charge of each little mission were named and many of them are people I know from either the Sunday school class, my high school or somewhere else along life’s way.

One of the things they are doing is going to a laundromat and, armed with previously donated quarters, giving people money to wash their clothes so it’s free. I just imagine a single mother who lives in some shithole apartment and does the best she can to raise her child(ren). She goes in there with her head full of woes and worries and there is some kind person with a smile who offers her quarters. It’s such a small thing but maybe it would be a bit of sunshine for her. Maybe she’d go home with a slightly less heavy heart and feel optimistic about the world in general. I just love that.

Another mission is to go help some elderly people with small household projects or yardwork. I envision an old woman with no one to help her who is struggling to buy groceries much less afford all the damn meds the doctor prescribes for her various ailments. She looks at her yard and remembers the days when she had the energy and strength to plant flowers or pull weeds. The kindness of some strangers would warm her heart. Sure, she probably could use more consistant help but it’s something.

The whole thing is a win-win because the people volunteering will get a huge high off of doing good and the people receiving the good will feel great, too. I really wish I could volunteer to do something but I think I’d be insane to do it considering I’ll only be a couple of weeks postpartum with a newborn, a preschooler and a kindergartener. Maybe next year. . .

So, anyway, Billy liked the church. He always feels uncomfortable around people who are “white collar” or who he perceives to be different in class from him but instead he found himself among people he recognized from years ago. Some of the people in the class are old school party folks that he knew back in the day. It’s very casual, laid back and low key. No one is there in a suit including the preacher. I really like it.

After church/Sunday school we had to run out to his work because he hadn’t turned in his timecard and found out last night he’d be off today since a coworker friend of his has a son leaving for Iraq on Wednesday and wanted to spend a few days with him before he went. I was so shocked when he said he was fine with going to Panera for lunch. I love that place but it’s so not his style. I was not in the mood for fast food at all so I was glad.

The Panera Bread we went to was built in the exact spot where a restaurant used to be for many years that I worked at right after high school. It’s weird to sit there and remember all those nights I spent carrying large trays of ribs and mixed drinks and working till 2 a.m. back in the day – the old M & M we called it (short for the actual name). It’s a different scene now filled with yuppies. I was in line behind the rudest woman. She talked to the girl taking her order like she was a pice of trash. Ugh, how I hate snooty bitches that think they are better than others. It makes me cringe. I wish I’d had the nerve to tell her just how obnoxious she sounded when she demanded her child’s yogurt tube be cold “this time”.

Anywho. . . our food was delicious and we had a great day. Came home and everyone napped but me and then I let the girls play with the paints and stickers I bought for the craft yesterday at this picnic thing we went to. They had a blast. What a mess though.

Man, can I ramble or what?

Don’t they look happy? Yesterday was a good day, too but I won’t bore you any further with details of that fun.

Waiting. . .

I’ve been a mess lately on a serious lack of sleep. Last night I was up after a mere four hours and then stayed up sewing diapers for hours. I get totally engrossed in the act of cutting the fabric, stitching them as perfectly as possible. I really should take some pics because they’ve come a long way. I’ve even made some prefolds that are covered on one side in the middle using the cheap Gerber ones I got at Walmart. Such a nut!

This morning I thought I’d fall asleep at the wheel taking Cate to her first full day of preschool but somehow we made it. Then I had to meet the MIL at Target because she says she has no idea what to get the baby or what the girls need. I really didn’t want to go but she was very nice. Always makes me suspicious though because I’m just waiting for the snark to come out. The bouncy seat I wanted was sold out of course. I knew I should have gotten it when I was there by myself.

We were only in there a brief 30 minutes thankfully but I do not enjoy shopping with someone despite having always bitched about doing things alone. I think I’m just used to being by myself now so it’s annoying to have to talk to another adult and it ruins my Target enjoyment. Ha!

I told the MIL that I wanted to go get my eyebrows done so I could escape which wasn’t a total lie. When I got to the mall though the place was empty so I went in Old Navy for a bit instead. I thought I’d look for some nursing tanks if they had them but they didn’t and everything seemed overpriced after all my Goodwill finds lately anyway. I bought a pair of sunglasses and oddly enough, they were called Audrey glasses. . . what we’re naming this baby.

Our carpet has really been irking me lately. We tried cleaning it and the stains won’t come out with the Bissell cleaner. The only time I can get it really clean is if I rent a Rug Doctor or suck it up and have Stanley Steemer come out but that’s not an option right now. Sooo. . . I went to Walmart and bought a new area rug to cover the majority of the floor space. I knew Billy would freak (and he did) but whatever. He can call it my anniversary gift. I have to look at this living room everyday and it was so gross.

I still had plenty of time so I shot back to our side of town and got my eyebrows waxed at the little place by Big Lots. The girl that did them asked me what I was having and when I told her she told me she also has three girls. Then she went on to say that her best friend is lucky because she had a boy first and then a girl. I thought that was funny. My good friend Dani has a boy and then a girl and though I guess to some that seems ideal, I’m happy about the idea of having all girls. Boys scare me – they have way too much energy.

Cate’s still napping and I’m so glad we decided to let Emma ride the bus. She seems really happy about it still and it does make it so much easier for me. I would have had to wake Cate over an hour ago to go get her and that would suck. We did go up there yesterday and eat lunch with her though. She is far from a social butterfly, my little Emma, but she is taller than most of the kids in her class and perfectly capable of opening her lunch box, thermos and whatever. She seemed just fine and very well-adjusted after just three weeks of school. I was so proud of her. She sits at a table with two kids that I know and whom she went to preschool with though she didn’t seem especially friendly with either of them. She was very surprised by our visit. I think Billy might go up there and eat with her one day by himself when he’s off soon.

Speaking of Billy, poor, poor, Billy . . . he got an infection from the vasectomy but it’s probably mostly his fault for not taking enough time off to recover. Then he got an antibiotic that aggravated his gout so now he’s going to our family doctor to get some meds for that. Ugh. He’s miserable and mad that he had it done. Today we got the bill which we don’t know how much the insurance will pay yet and it was $450 for the vasectomy so he was freaking about that, too. I told him it’s much cheaper than an IUD, years of birth control for me or a fourth kid so deal with it. Yes, I’m so compassionate and understanding.

Won’t Be Long Now

I really can’t believe how fast this pregnancy has gone by. It’s crazy. I’m 35 weeks today and the thing babycenter sends me says the baby should be over five pounds by now and 18″ long. How did that happen? I wonder what little Audrey will be like. I think we’re definite on the name, unless she looks like someone else when I see her, Audrey Morgan it will be.

Cate is napping and I had a lovely day with friends who came over and helped me can applesauce with apples picked down at the in-laws’ place last night. My friend Karen said we had about two bushels. I have no idea what a bushel looks like so I really couldn’t say. I also have some pears we need to do something with but I’m going to need to buy a food mill so I can can them. I do not feel like peeling all those oddly shopped pears.

I love these afternoons. It’s going to change in five weeks though but for now it’s so wonderful to just sit and vegetate. I’ve started watching General Hospital again, a soap I got hooked on back in the 80’s thanks to a bad babysitter. I guess I’ve always been loyal to it even though it’s so unrealistic  to the point of being laughable but it’s mindless entertainment for now.

Cate started preschool yesterday but it was only for one hour and I had to stay with her. So silly. She seemed to really enjoy it and I’m excited about her going there now. The teacher was great.

My mind is mush. . . I’m so tired.

Another Monday

I just had to share my new favorite healthy snack. For awhile I’ve been getting sick on my stomach every morning. It’s awful. Well, my doctor suggested I start eating Activia yogurt. So I get the big tub of the plain kind and then mix it with chopped apples, crushed up nuts (pecans, almonds, whatever) and a few raisins. Stir it up and munch! Yummy. I even had it for dinner the other night when I didn’t feel like cooking.

Also, I wanted to answer Wondering’s question in my comments about washing cloth diapers. I really don’t think it will be that bad. Here is a link about washing cloth diapers. I’m not worried about the “poop residue” because it seems after washing them that many times the washer should be good and clean.

We had a busy day yesterday. I took the girls to Sunday school and church. It was good though Emma wasn’t happy about it and wanted to go home upon arrival. She cried when I left her in the class which is something she never does. When I picked her up, she was happily destroying a puzzle and pissing two former preschool classmates off. The teacher said she was fine. I told Emma it was good for her.

We went out to lunch and came home to rest. I had planned to steam carpets and clean house and maybe sew something but was so tired I just vegged and the girls played and destroyed. Then we went to a birthday party at my old friend Mary’s house for her 4-year old-grandson. The girls had fun but I think I would have rather just stayed here and rested. Mary and her daughter are so nice though. It was good to see them.

Hopefully today I can get some stuff done around here. I really do love Mondays. It’s nice to be back into a routine.

Last night I had crazy weird dreams where I was fighting with my MIL verbally and then later watching a webcam of my cousin who lives in France. It was so weird. I haven’t thought of that girl in years. We were never close. She grew up in Maine and I grew up down here in Virginia. Haven’t seen her in years and years. Wonder how such things creep into my subconscious.

Early Morning Again

I’m awake way too early yet again. I was hoping to sleep until 7 or so since it’s finally Saturday and I could but here it is 4 a.m. and I’m up. *sigh*

My little non-shower lunch is today. I think it should be fun. I want to drive out to this thrift shop first and look around. It’s in a sketchy part of town so I don’t like to take the girls. I’m going to take my old bedspread by the battered women’s shelter which is right across the street. We’ve been cleaning out our basement.

The thrift store has the best deals on kids’ clothes. I’ve found tons of stuff from Baby Gap that was like new for 50 cents an item. It’s fun to dig and they also have home decor and tons of furniture.

Then after lunch, I’m meeting a girl to buy some of her used cloth diaper covers. She has tons of stuff and it’s priced really low. I saw her listing on Craigslist. My friend Dani said she’d go with me. I’m always a bit leery of meeting strangers to buy things. Billy better come off of some cash. I think the covers would be a great investment since I’ve been able to sew my own fitted and pocket cloth diapers and am getting better at it with each one I do. Though since I haven’t bought the $9 a yard PLU fabric for the outer layer to make them waterproof, they will likely need covers.

Yesterday was such a wonderful day. We started letting Emma ride the bus this past Wednesday and it has made my life a lot easier. Dropping her off at school was neither efficient nor cost effective given the fact that I had to sit there and idle in the line for 20 to 30 minutes at drop off and pick up. I finally convinced Billy she would be fine and to let her just try riding the bus. She is thrilled and having a great time going to kindergarten. Cate and I walk her two houses down and she rides the bus with this other little girl who is her age. She now says Hayley (the little girl) is her best friend. It’s very sweet.

First Day of School - Ready to go!

After we put Emma on the bus, Cate and I lounged for a bit and then went out to the library. I signed her up for story time which starts on September 14 every Monday. It’s fun for her and I get to talk to some grown ups so it’s a win-win.  We got some books and movies and then headed to Target, Chick-fil-A and the mall. Cate seems to thrive on all the one-on-one attention and behaved wonderfully.

The day seems to fly by and before I know it I’m relaxing while Cate naps and then I go get Emma off the bus. The driver drops her right at our driveway and she runs happily into my arms. I love it. Billy’s home about an hour and a half later and we have dinner. It’s a nice little schedule and I’m very hesitant to mess it up with a ton (or any!) of extracurricular activities. I’ve been putting Emma to bed super early so we really only have a few hours after she gets home from school to eat, clean up, read books and practice her letter of the day. She seems very tired but the first week was a success.

I would give anything to go get a manicure and a pedicure this morning but I just can’t spend $40 on such extravagance. I think I’m going to do my own nails in a bit, read my new book and then try to go back to bed for a little while. I hate how I feel by mid-morning when I wake up this early. Blech.

Next week I’m not too bombarded with crap to do. I am hosting a playdate at the park one day and I’m going to try and take Cate swimming a few more times at the gym. We haven’t been for a few weeks. I have a doctor’s appointment one morning and a meeting one night at Cate’s preschool to go to. Oh, and Billy’s big appointment to get clipped is next week also. Poor guy. I’m going to one other MOMS Club event and that is my whole week in a nutshell. Nice and calm the way I like it.

The weeks are just ticking by so quickly before I know it it will be October 12 and I’ll be going to the hospital to have this baby (unless she comes earlier!) Billy is starting to freak out and says he doesn’t know if he can do this. Too late, buddy. I have to assure him everything will be fine, which it will, right? I have faith that it will be. The girls are excited about the new baby coming and seem to vaguely understand that they will be big sisters. I think it’s pretty cool to have three girls and hope that they will form a tight bond with each other.

I used to worry when I was pregnant with Cate that I would love her as much as I loved Emma – she was my whole world at the time. Now I’m absolutely confident that I’ll have no trouble loving this baby the way I do them. I’m looking forward to breastfeeding again and snuggling a tiny warm baby oh and inhaling that delicious newborn smell. We can do this. I know it.

Insomniatic Ramblings

(Like that title? I just made that up. Not sure “insomniatic” is even a word but I just used it so it is now! )

I should write about Emma’s first day of school this past Monday. It went well but I’m too tired to focus.

Every night I only get about 4 hours of sleep for some reason and it’s wearing me down. Here I am again up at 4 a.m. like a freak and I can’t go back to sleep. I tried and tried and then just said heck with it and got up and took a nice hot shower.

Today is day 3 of school for Emma and I finally decided to let her ride the bus. I’ve been taking her the past two days but she asks me daily and repeatedly why she can’t ride the bus. It makes me feel bad so yesterday I called the school and then the driver and this morning she will ride the big cheese and sit in the front seat beside a little girl who lives diagonally across from us and is also in kindergarten. She will be fine. Right? Right.

Billy is so damn paranoid. He flipped the fuck out on me over this decision. Says I’m entrusting my child to a bus driver and if anything happens to her it’s all on me. What is going to happen? It’s a short ride and she’ll be in the front seat. Please don’t make me worry anymore than I already do about my precious girl. I just cried and cried last night. It was awful.

When I drove her to school I had to leave here about 7:40 a.m. to get a good spot in line for car riders. Takes about 10 minutes to get to her school. Then I have to wait till 8 a.m. when they start unloading kids from cars three at a time. I finally pull out about 8:05 or 8:10 to go back home or wherever. In the afternoon, I have to get there around 2:45, again to get a good spot in the long ass line. I wait until 3:15 when they finally put Emma in my van. It’s hotter than blue blazes and I have to have the a/c on. What a waste of gas! Sitting in the van for nearly 30 minutes with Cate complaining about remaining buckled in is not my idea of a good time. Not to mention it seems incredibly wasteful to me to be driving her when the bus could do it.

The bus comes directly by my house at 7:15 a.m. She won’t be home until about 3:50 p.m. which is a very long day but honestly I’m only shaving about 30 minutes of time each way for her and she’s awake and excited about school anyway so what the heck am I doing this for?

Come September 8 Cate will be going to preschool two mornings a week. I would have to drive into town and then have to wait a good 40 minutes before her preschool starts. Ridiculous. Not to mention I’m now 33 weeks pregnant, very uncomfortable, very tired and soon enough will have a newborn to nurse before we go anywhere. I think Billy is expecting way too much of me to do all that and then making me feel guilty in the process.

Last night after dinner (which he didn’t like – homemade lasagna by the way with a salad and french bread), I was making cookies to send for Emma’s turn to bring snack to school. I asked him to help get the girls ready for bed and then I said, “wow, having kids is sooo hard!” He says, “yeah, and it especially sucks having kids AND a pregnant wife!” Um, what the fuck did you just say to me?????

He went on to clarify that it’s like I’m disabled and he has so much more to do now to help me because I can’t do things. I have no earthly clue what he means by that. I still do EVERYthing I did before I was pregnant with the one exception of going to the gym like I used to three to five times a week. Seriously. I was so hurt and angry. I sat here and watched a movie last night and just cried and cried. Fucker didn’t even notice. He was too busy bitching about how HIS laptop is slow and apparently I fucked that up, too when I was using it for awhile.

Selfish, stupid, man.

On a happier note, I’ve become really good friends with a couple of girls I know from that MOMS Club and that’s been good. I’m going to the Moms’ Night Out thing tomorrow night and even have a pretty dress to wear I got for a deal on Monday. Planning a trip to the lake with Cate on Friday and then Saturday is my non-baby shower hosted by my friend Dani at my favorite little cafe. Should be fun. I say non-shower because I told her I didn’t want one so she just organized a little lunch and I didn’t register for jack crap. I’m good to go with the exception of a few things I’d like to buy for this baby. Nothing super necessary though, I’m all set this time around.

Must shake this cranky mood and hopefully get a nap in today. I had planned to take Cate to the library and then the pool but we’ll have to see. Though I do have all dang day. It is so much easier just having her by herself. I’m not sure why that is as she’s the more difficult child but she is completely different when we are one on one and that is lovely.

Tangential Thoughts

I have been wondering recently what my children would think about this blog should they discover it 10 years from now. Hmmm. . .

I’m up in the middle of the night awakened by crazy dreams, thoughts and a fetus kicking the shit out of me. Now Cate’s up, too.

I’m thinking about making these one day in the coming week: PW’s  yummy looking cinnamon buns w/ apples and inviting a few friends over for a playdate for Cate in the mid-morning.

I spend entirely too much time on Facebook. It’s sad and sort of embarrassing, too. I almost wish I’d never discovered it. I’m not crazy about the collision of worlds (internet friends, people from high school, MOMS Club people, etc.)

Got an ob appointment in the morning and I am taking Emma with me. Cate’s going on an adventure with her daddy. I thought I’d take Emma shopping for new shoes (and look for some for me, too) and a first day of school outfit for Monday. Also need to get some items to pack her lunch for next week and to bring snack on Wednesday.

My stomach hurts. Every morning it does. Ugh. I wish I could make it stop.

I really, really need a manicure and a pedicure something fierce but cannot justify spending $40 on my digits when there is so much else I need. Think I’ll do it myself this afternoon.

Billy’s been very sweet lately. I just wish he’d sell his junkers in our driveway. We have FIVE of them and one doesn’t even run. Ugh. Only three of them are necessary and useful. I hate how it makes our house look. I don’t like looking like rednecks. I am not one and neither is he.

The garden is dead and dismantled. Summer is coming to a close. This makes me sad but relieved, too.

I got into a bit of trouble recently running my mouth. I’ll never, ever learn. Stupid small town. Everybody knows everyone. Can I help it if someone’s husband is a man whore who talked shit to me online as well as one of my friends and I found it shocking (as well as repulsive)? Ugh. Really need to be quiet and stick to small talk only with strangers. Light and fluffy, that’s what my friend Sara says and she’s so right.

I’m worried about the wrench it’s going to throw in Cate’s afternoon napping routine when we have to pick Emma up from kindergarten in the middle of the afternoon; however, I’m excited about spending three to seven hours alone with Cate each day. I don’t see why she couldn’t just nap from 3:30 p.m. to 5ish. Would give me time with Emma and to start dinner.

I’m going to cloth diaper this new baby and have been sewing diapers like crazy. I’m also planning on buying some already made all in ones. I figured it would cut down on some expense seeing as we used to spend about $50 a month or more on disposables when Cate was a baby. May use some disposables though when we’re out for convenience purposes.

I hope Emma loves school. I worry about her but something tells me it’s unnecessary. She’s such an amazing little person.

This baby will be named Audrey unless when I see her the name doesn’t fit at all. I can’t believe I have less than two months. This has been the fastest, easiest pregnancy of all.

My friend Dani invited about eight of my friends to a non-baby shower lunch next Saturday. I’m a little nervous no one will show up or they will and it will be so awkward. Please let it go smoothly. At least I know the food will be delicious.

(Pictures are from a playdate at the zoo last Wednesday. It was hotter than hell but we had fun.)

What’s Today? Tuesday?

The days go by way too freakin’ fast. I am s’posed to go to the lake this morning but my friend has bailed on me so now I’m a little less than inspired.

It’s super early and I’m up before the children for once. It’s nice. I enjoy sitting here with my pink grapefruit juice listening to my favorite radio station. I have already showered, made my bed already and folded that pile of laundry that was on the floor.

Oh, I spoke too soon. Cate’s up. I swear the child can smell me.

Yesterday we went to Wal-mart to get groceries and some miscellaneous stuff. I got the girls’ haircuts and got my eyebrows waxed. Total spent: $140. I knew Billy would freak because he doesn’t get paid until Thursday but he has a stash of money that I couldn’t find so I had to use his debit card and overdraw the account probably. I have stuff to do everyday this week (lake today, zoo tomorrow, k-garten orientation on Thursday, ob appointment on Friday) so yesterday was the only day that worked.

There was a guy in the Sunday school class the other day who mentioned that a place in town is hiring part-time employees for very flexible hours. So I told Billy but he says he doesn’t want to do it. I know his job is hard but damn, he’s only working 36 hours a week and has three days off every week. Yes, it’s nice to have his help and for him to spend more time with the girls but I think it’s a bit selfish of him to make me feel guilty for spending money on groceries and haircuts (necessities in my opinion!) I would like it if he’d work maybe 10 hours a week at that place and bring in an extra $400 a month. It would help us a lot. I’d do it myself if I weren’t seven months pregnant.

I’m hoping next spring I can get the party business rolling again. Heck, I’d do a party now but it’s so hard to get people to commit. I’m paying $12 a month to stay in and that’s what? $144 a year? I haven’t done a party since February (sex toy parties if you have no idea what I’m talking about). Should I just quit? I’ve got the kit still and plenty of catalogs. I’m on the yahoo group and there’s a menu I can edit and print to use at my parties that would be perfect. I’m just a slack ass about it. If I did two parties a week, I could easily bring in $800+ a month but I haven’t been doing ANY. Ugh.

Sitting here watching Cate destroy my couches and pull all the damn cushions off. She’s something else I tell ya. It’s a damn good thing she’s adorable. She was up several times last night. Fun fun.

Emma will sleep for awhile. She’s going to have a hard time when school starts next week. I’ll have to start getting her in the bed at 7:30 p.m. so she can get enough rest I think. I want to take her out this weekend and get a new outfit for the first day of school. I told MIL this and she said she’d buy it. Ugh. Makes me feel bad. I don’t want her to have to do that, ya know? I’ve also got to get her a new pair of shoes. It’s always something. *sigh*

And speaking of MIL, she called the other night to tell me she would like to go with us when we go to the zoo this week. Sure, why not? It’s the last fucking week of summer and now she would like to join us for something. I called her and told her that I’d already planned on going with my friend Laura and she could go with us some other time. Is that rude? Oh, well. I really didn’t want her tagging along. I’ve made it where I have people to do things with and I don’t need her so too bad. I can’t spend my life waiting around for them to want to be involved grandparents.

She said, “well, maybe next summer. . .” Um, yeah, right. I told her the zoo is open year round, we have a membership and could go anytime. She irks me. This was the first summer that she had absolutely no excuse (both grandfathers have passed away now which was her prior excuse.) FIL went on several fishing trips this summer and MIL went to see quite a few shows/plays with her sister and just got back from a trip to Tennessee with her. So then she waits until the LAST week of summer to ask to do something with us. Yeah. I see how we rate.