Last night was the end of year party for the MOMS Club I’m in – you know, the one I rejoined. It was held at a restaurant on their veranda and was a whole lot of fun. For $15 you got a drink, salad, and an entree and it even included your tip! What a bargain, right? Well, I couldn’t pass that deal up so I went.
I had a really enjoyable time. We played ice breaker type games and just laughed and laughed. I was sitting between two girls I barely know but, if you know me, I can talk to anyone and don’t meet strangers so it was all good. There were two girls sitting near me that I did know and two sitting across from me that I really know and like. I don’t know how or why but for some reason during the night – and I sincerely hope these woman were too tipsy to remember this! – I was telling them the story about this chick I know from Emma’s preschool and at the gym. We’ll call her . . . hmmm. . . Mrs. B (short for Mrs. Blowjob). Ok, so this story cracks me up no matter how many times I tell it. Here goes:
Last summer or maybe last fall a girl I know told me that Mrs. B had been caught in the hottub at the gym sucking not one but two men’s genitalia neither of which was her husband. This story has since been confirmed by two other parties one of whom works at said gym and one of whom was told by Mrs. B herself about this affair. Now, I’m no innocent little thing myself and the fact that someone would cheat on their husband even with two guys at once doesn’t really shock or surprise me. The part that I find totally hilarious is that this chick is so damn religious NOW!
She is one of those sing it from the rooftops Jesus lovers. (Not that I have a thing against Jesus!) She friended me on Facebook. Well, she’s kind of annoying so after awhile I deleted her. She sent me a message asking me why I deleted her. (Um, she has over 200 friends and she notices that I’m gone? What the heck, right?) Well, being the person I am and not wanting to be rude, I told her it must have been accidental and added her back. So daily, make that multiple times daily, she updates her status with things of a religious nature such as . . .oh, hang on, I’m going to go steal a few to show you the hilarity. . .
Mrs. B is excited to have the inside of the van detailed and all pretty again. The outside may have to until tomorrow, we’ll see, but I’m getting ready to swim with my littlest man and baby girl! Life is so good and I cannot praise Jesus enough for His love and forgiveness in my life!
and
Mrs. B What a wonderful church service tonight. Thank you Pastor R! It is so good to have a reminder that God is still in the business of delivering people from their sins. All of us. Praise God!
Ok, well that’s but a small sampling but they are all ridiculously religious and all of them make me laugh given that I know she had an affair on her husband. Though granted maybe that’s why she’s so obsessed with God’s forgiveness and hey, good for her I guess for turning over a new leaf.
But here’s where I’m the dumb ass. In a moment of stupidity, I told several people about this story at the party because it cracks me up *that* much. How pathetic am I? Then as I’m driving home I realized that was really stupid of me. What if I offended someone mentioning such oral copulation? What if I offended someone because they know her? Oh, well. I guess it doesn’t matter. Hey, if she didn’t want people knowing her business she wouldn’t have been doing it at the gym in this very small town, right? Have the decency to go suck cock in your car or maybe a cheap motel room like any other self-righteous rightwing conservative christian. I really need to learn how to just keep my mouth shut though. *sigh*
Hey, if she didn’t want people knowing her business she wouldn’t have been doing it at the gym in this very small town, right? Have the decency to go suck cock in your car or maybe a cheap motel room like any other self-righteous rightwing conservative christian.
Really? Nice justification for being a gossip *rolls eyes*
Look Elisa, Christians aren’t perfect – that’s why they are Christians! Many of them turn to God when they realize what a mess they’ve made of their own lives and that they cannot dig themselves out of the hole they’ve created. It’s an act of strength – of being humble – of knowing the grace of God is all that can heal you.
Too bad you didn’t choose to gossip about how she seems to be turning her life around. Too bad you didn’t stick up for her rather than dragging her through the muck again. You had an opportunity to build her up, instead you chose to drag her down.
I sent this as an e-mail to Dana but I thought I’d stick it here, too.
Dana –
And your constant heckling and criticism on MY blog is soooo old. You’re really one to talk about building people up. You hardly ever have anything nice to say or supportive. I will never really understand why you even read my nonsense.
I don’t need to justify my desire for gossip. It is what it is but anyone who acts like a whore in a public place is going to be a juicy source of gossip.
A lot of these “christians” turn to God as a crutch in my opinion and I wouldn’t exactly call that turning their lives around.
I’ve decided your blog is not the place to hash this out and have sent an email off blog. I’ll be happy to delete my comment if you find it offensive.
Hey I love a good piece of juicy gossip, and I am very much a Christian. I have to agree with Elisa on this one, she should have gone to a hotel room if she didn’t want it spread all over town.
As for her dragging her down, I don’t see it that way. She repeated something she found funny…it wasn’t a personal attack, IMO. I am sure that we all have done the same thing, I know I have.
Elisa-
As an owner of a cock, I for one feel you should never keep your mouth shut.
Having said that bit of ludicrous sexual harassment, I say this:
Say whatever the fuck you want. It’s your blog. It’s also your life.
I have fortunately been finding that the more vulnerable and ‘me’ I am, the people who end up hanging around and praising me are the ones I really really want hanging around me after all.
For they, sayeth the Bible, Book of Steph, they are the truest of all friends.
In other words, Dana? STFU.
Oops, sorry, Dana. I don’t really know you, and that was a rude comment. I may lose you as a future friend because of comments like that.
But this is Elisa’s blog, and Elisa’s life, and guess what? She’s a bit of a gossip, likes talking shit on hypochristians (and Mrs. B clearly IS one…not cuz of her BJs, but because the Bible is very clear on wearing one’s Christianity on one’s sleeve…praying out loud and all that).
Know what the Bible says about that?
It says STFU!
I know. I read it.
I really was attempting to keep this off blog, because it is Elisa’s “home,” but I must address one comment of Stephen’s (who doesn’t appear to have a blog of his own, nor an email address that is public):
I have fortunately been finding that the more vulnerable and ‘me’ I am, the people who end up hanging around and praising me are the ones I really really want hanging around me after all.
After almost two years of blogging, I have many readers/commenters who don’t agree with me, and I find, for the most part, they are the ones who help me grow. *shrugs*
And I do believe Elisa and I came to a resolution on this. Of course, that process wasn’t shared here.
Well, we are all entitled to our opinions and none of us are perfect. [I like to pretend now and then, though -- secret fantasy!] LOL!
Thanks for sharing! Glad you had a good time, Gal! Hope you are feeling happy, well and healthily wonderful. I’ve been so busy that I’ve not been around in ages.
But, know you cross my mind! Happy Sunday!
Facebook tip — to the right of the person’s comment, there is a button that if you click, says, “hide,” and you will never see their stuff again (and they will never know). Comes in so handy in just these situations. (I went through the same, when someone said, “why did you delete me?” Then I learned this trick.)
Ah, the holier than thou Bible thumpers. Such hilarity right there, it’s just too easy not to have a go at them.
As for the gossiping, I say speak what you want.
And this is coming from someone who is pretty much in the center of the boondocks gossip circles right now. I’m both a heroine that had the guts to leave her ass of a husband, AND a dirty ho who has been connected to 19-50 year olds.
I pretty much think it means I’ve arrived when people take time out of their busy day to talk about lil ole me
say what you want- she was acting out in public – thats the public domain – as for commentors that like to preach – oftentimes they are the ones that need to be preached to…I am far from perfect but I dont wave flags either…
I love good gossip and I don’t care what people say about me good or bad, just keep me in the conversation!
I popped over from Dana’s blog. I can see your point at least where I think it is coming from. It is one thing for a sinner (and I am no saint) to find Jesus and turn their life around but to be all holier than thou about it is just annoying. You seemed caught up in the I can’t believe this woman of it all and being in the social situation just kinda mentioned something you found luicrously funny… You were even hoping afterwards the ladies didn’t remember. Hmm I think we’ve all been there *hand raised*
I’ve read everything here and the important question is not answered – did the bible thumping adulterer swallow or not?
And M, I would love to be real life friends with you. I’m going through the same things. Dirty hos of the world – unite!
Have the decency to go suck cock in your car or maybe a cheap motel room like any other self-righteous rightwing conservative christian.
Okay, that made me “lol”.
I think there are hypocrisies in everyone, Christians just seem to be a magnet for criticism because they tend to tout righteousness. When up on a pedestal, it’s easier to see the muck under another’s feet. Not saying it’s right or wrong, just saying that it’s an explanation for it being easier to see the hypocrisies that are truly everywhere.
If it were me – I am sure I would have told her the truth and left it at that. There’s no reason to continue to listen/read the comments of someone you no longer want to associate with. And there’s no reason to not rock the boat about it. But that’s me, and I am known for my mouth.
I find the story freakin’ hilarious. Yes people can change – but that’s something one just doesn’t forget. lol
peace…
I’m here from that crisis chicks blog and I like yours much better. Who does she think she is anyway?
Lets gossip!
Oh, my. These comments are funny as hell. Thanks y’all for making me laugh. You know my freakin’ point was that I regretted repeating the viscous rumor. I didn’t need my hand slapped. Kind of like beating a dead horse I think but I’m over it.
I’m here via Dana, cause yes, I guess you could say I’m drawn to drama, but the truth is, I wanted to see what she was talking about you and you DID confess!
What people put on their own blogs is of no concern to me; to an extent I mean!
But my mother is the same as the person you speak of. Okay, I don’t know if she ever even Sucked —- I can’t say it. But, she is the most religous freak I’ve ever known and she drives me freaking nuts. She looks down her religous nose and puts everyone down for doing things that SHE did when she was younger and before she was saved. My brother had a baby recently out of wed lock while he was married to someone else (yea, I get it, wrong) and she wouldn’t talk to him. Guess what mother! YOU had a baby out of wed-lock while you were married to MY dad in ‘67. Hence my 1/2 sister! And the divorce from my father when I was two!
Oh, I could go on and on, but just wanted to say, I get it.