My friend Cathy just got me to thinking. I was reading her blog and thinking about a little event that happened last night that upset me.
I have talked about how few friends I have in real life. I mean sincere, count on in a minute type friends. I have two that are sort of local and one who is a few hours away. That’s not to say my online friends aren’t valuable. Actually, I know most of them better and on a much more intimate level than these friends of mine from real life.
Last night I was online doing my usual thing when my friend Dani suddenly IMs me. She always starts phone calls and instant messages lately with “real quick” and then getting right to the point as if she’s too busy to have any sort of lengthy conversation with me. This always irks me a bit right away. Her point last night was that she wanted to know if I am still doing parties (sex toy sales) and if I would do one for her.
Well, I haven’t done a party since July. The last party sucked and I’ve been rather unmotivated ever since though I did order some new catalogs not too long ago and had a good sized online order from one of my friends. I told Dani that I was still selling. She quickly explained that she had 10 women at her house at that very moment and the topic of conversation was the sex swing. They all were raving about them I guess.
So my next question to Dani was why do you have 10 women at your house and why don’t you ever invite me to your shindigs. She didn’t answer me and quickly said she had to go and would call me to set a date for the party. Um, what the fuck?
I’m conflicted. Dani lives in a nice neighborhood and knows lots of people with money so I should definitely do a party for her. However, there’s a part of me that is beyond hurt that she never invites me to her home for dinners (she loves to entertain) and was obviously hosting some sort of party last night and inviting me must have been very far from her mind.
Now, granted, I have slacked off on calling and instant messaging with her but only because I felt a lack of interest from her and I am not one to continue to initiate in a relationship if I’m constantly being rejected.
So what do I do? The party, right? Ugh. Billy says I’d be insane to do it. I’m wanting to be straight up honest with her and write her off for good. That’s what my gut is telling me. She obviously does not think enough of me to make time for our friendship. The last two times I saw her were March and June of this year when I drove to her house for a visit (March) and met her at the lake (June).
I’m sorry to hear that you’re getting this from Dani. The best thing I can tell you is follow your gut. I know I was dealing with a situation that wasn’t healthy friendship and I eventually did cut my ties with the friendship and I honestly feel A LOT better. If your gut is telling you to cut the ties, then it is best to follow it. She is not worth your stress or your time if she is constantly making you feel rejected. TRUE friendship does not do that!
HTH!
Okay… Honestly, in the time we’ve been emailing and reading blogs, I can honestly say you are a really super person and quite a good friend! And this chick Dani? Well, 2 words for her… FUCK OFF. She doesn’t deserve you and she is taking up way too much of your valuable time thinking about her. I have a “friend” like that, too. I am an afterthought to her and that’s bullshit and I don’t stand for it. You shouldn’t either. Your time is much better spent with your beautiful babies and emailing me!
)
Let her be…
I’d just lay low….if she contacts you again then deal with it..maybe just get her to do a catalog party…that way you don’t have to go to her house.
OK, here comes the Farmer*sWife all with a swell of opinion.
First, I’ve had friends like this. They love you at their convenience and leave you on the side. Next time they call me? I don’t have time for the call. And, screw the whole “maybe you haven’t kept in contact so well with her. Friendships that require score keeping? Are crap. Farmer*sWife don’t play that game. And, you are too lovable to have to play it too.
Second, TOTALLY DO the party. You know you want/need the $$$. So, play the game. This is a business transaction. I’ve had parties for my SILs and friends and attended theirs. When, I’m the one selling the product? It’s business.
These Gals have money and they want some fun toys. So, sell them to them.
Then, after the business is over and all the products are delivered and payments collected. Blow off the friend. Don’t worry about her. Or, confront her if it gives you some closure and tell her the party was business but the friendship is crap.
Either way? You deserve the income opportunity and the rest is trash or gravy. Does that make sense?
You keep rockin’ it, Miss Awesome “Queen!”
This is exactly the kind of bullshit that makes me wonder are the majority of people this stupid? that heartless?
I agree that you’d probably be better off cutting the ties, but I would personally lay it out there for her and let her know that the specific instance hurt your feelings. Maybe she’ll wake up, maybe she won’t. Maybe you can salvage a semi-local friendship and the possible party. Maybe not.
People suck. That’s my motto…
*smooches*
Wow, you just perfectly described one of my ex friends. We were so close and she was in my wedding and threw my baby and bridal showers. I was her “during the day” friend while her real friends were all at work and she’d have dinner parties and get togethers all the time but never invite us. One day I realized I was always initiating the contact and decided to skip calling her to see how long until she called me for something. It’s been a year and a half, in fact, she doesn’t even know I have a second child. I say if you really need the money, do the party but don’t get too involved with the chick. After that, break it off (in the form of not calling her). If she contacts you again, let her know how you feel. If you’re too upset to do the party, skip it… it’s not worth the headache. Good luck, this is a tough one.
I think you should do the party if it’s to your benefit money-wise. I think we feel these obligations many times to maintain friendships that have started to fade. My close friend from high school, kept in touch pretty sporadically, I was married with kids, she wasn’t. When I went to her bridal shower I realized she didn’t know a friggin thing about me and vice versa. There wasn’t any common ground there any more. You can still be civil, but don’t chase her down, it really isn’t worth it.
Do the party for the money, but don’t be all ‘friendly’. I agree w/ FW it is a bizness tranny…nothing more(unless YOU so choose).
I don’t have RL friends, but I will use my stepsister as an example. She had a childhood mutual friend over all weekend and failed to invite me over knowing that I wanted to see him. So I can relate in a way. It really pisses me off.
She is my family so I will probably not say anything, but in all honesty what would it have hurt to invite me over to have a drink and visit for an hour or so?? Am I that boring? I know that when she doesn’t have anyone around to ‘hang’ with she is glued to my front porch and our ‘beer’ fridge…People are all about themselves!!!
Hang in there, sometimes online is better than real life for this instance…if no others.
-Christi
I say do the party, it’s extra $$ and we all need a little bit of that.
As for the friendship, I have many like that. You think you are close but then realize it’s been months since they’ve actually contacted you.
Great for the ego, I know.
But, you are a great person and a great friend. Don’t let someone who doesn’t know what she’s got make you feel like any less of a person.
Good Luck!
Well, I can certainly understand why you’re conflicted. I’m actually going through a similar situation with a friend right now. I don’t know whether you should do the party or not–I guess you have to go with what you feel is right. It sounds like for the long term though, she’s not someone that you want to invest your time in.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through–I know it hurts.
I would do the party and charge retail +20%. I mean, if all she is going to be good for is the money, then get the money. Give her what she wants. She does not want a valuable friendship in you…so give her the sex toys and get a boat load of money for it.
And if she complains that you are just in it for the money…well, at least this way you will be true to yourself, which, in my opinion is what counts.
I know it hurts but as the song by Queen goes:
“Don’t fool with fools who’ll turn away,
keep all good company!”
if you can get past your disgust, then I think there’s no reason to not try to make money off her friends.
That’s a tough call. I mean. It’s an opportunity to make some money off of her and her friends (as others have said). But she is treating you very poorly as a friend.
And I suppose, I would have a hard time swallowing that and getting past it. So if it were me I would write her off, possibly even tell her why. And not do the party.
Keep us updated on what you decide to do.
We’ve all had a “friend” like that. I have a few who started off as “online” friends. Then we met… Some people use you for their convenience when they’re bored and lonely but as soon as something shinier comes along they all of a sudden are too busy for you and yet still try and string you along.
If this affords you an opportunity to make some extra cash and it’s not too big a hassle, then do it. But only if you feel good about it.
Good luck!
Heh, she sucks.
I’d do the party to make some money off her rude ass.
As a friend? She doesn’t seem like much of one at all. I wouldn’t waste any more time and hurt feelings into someone who didn’t treat me as I deserved to be treated. And you rock. I’d totally invite you to dinner and parties and stuff. You know, if we lived closer, lol.
Hey, money is money. Take the money and leave the girl. She seems like she just wants you when she needs you. Well, return the favor. You need the money, she has wealthy friends. Seems to work out for everyone!