Emma all dolled up in patriotic colors

We had a great 4th of July. I invited some people over for a little party and I thought it went very well. It was small and the food was yummy. Everyone brought something which made it fairly easy.

Billy was a big help. Over the last three days he has mowed, weed eated, pressure washed the whole house and spent time with us going to the lake. We both miss the money he made when he was working 40 plus hours a week but it’s been wonderful for him to have all these three day weekends. He gets a lot done and has a day where he can spend time with us without feeling like he should be doing something else.

The in-laws came to the party yesterday, too. I haven’t been by their house in two weeks. I was kind of waiting to see if MIL would make any attempts to do anything with us on her own but she didn’t of course. Billy went over there yesterday to borrow their bigger deep fryer (we made chicken wings PW style – yum!).

His mom asked him if I was mad at her since I hadn’t been over for awhile. Instead of embracing the opportunity to be honest with his mother, he said no but that it’s just harder for me to take the girls over while pregnant. She had to know this was a distortion of the truth since I go and do stuff all the time. She told him she had never once thought about it being difficult. *rolls eyes* I wish he would have just told her that we would like it if they would initiate once in awhile. Maybe he could have asked her what type of relationship she wants to have with our kids because it seems right now they are content for us to always come to them or to come here for very short visits.

He has some major issues with being honest and handling confrontation of any sort. I can’t count the number of times where I have felt he should have stood up for me or for the girls but he sat there in silence.

Oh, well, enough of that. Nothing will ever change and basically it is their loss. My girls don’t beg to see them the longer I go without visiting.

I was going to take them to Sunday school at that church we’ve been going to this morning but my stomach is hurting and Cate woke up very cranky and emotional. We have to go to the store for a few things but that’s it. The good thing about Sunday school is you don’t have to be there till 9:45. I’m half tempted to try the church service afterward and see what that’s like.

Cate and her cousin Trevor beating on the fence

They get along wonderfully. He’s actually 9 months older than Emma and kind of spoiled in my opinion but he’s not my kid so whatever. He kept “accidentally” hitting them. Ugh. I really have a very low tolerance for bratty kids that are over indulged by their parents.

Life Feels Full

Crazy self-portrait of me in my UV protection hat

This summer is really shaping up to be great despite the fact that we won’t get to go see the ocean as much as I’d love to. I’m making the best of it.

This morning I took the girls to that church again where they went to VBS for Sunday school and I’m in the adult class with a girl named Ellen I know and another girl named Kelly – both from the gym, Ellen’s also from preschool. Her daughter has gone with Emma for the last two years and, though Emma doesn’t seem to have any interest in a friendship with her, she is very sweet.

In the class they are discussing the book The Shack. I generally cringe from all things religious. It reminds me so much of the times in my 20’s when I was manic and really got obsessed with the Bible and God. I think that is part of why I have avoided it for this long. I’m always scared I’ll get sucked in and become fanatical about it again. I am easing in though. We’re just doing Sunday school. The girls seem to really enjoy it and it’s nice to have that one hour with adults my age who all seem to be good, wholesome people who are warm and kind.

Before Sunday school we had to go by the grocery store and grab some snacks. Afterwards, we went to the pool. We stayed for a good part of the day. My friend Sara met us out there so I stayed longer than I would have otherwise. It was fun. Cate is still sleeping! All that swimming wore her out. Emma is great though and let me take a good solid nap while she watched a movie. It was heavenly!

Usually I avoid planning of any sort but lately I’ve been embracing it! It’s odd for me. I have a bunch of stuff written on the calendar for July to do. We’re going to have a small cookout next Saturday night for the fourth. Thursday I’m going on a small road trip with my friend Sara. Monday I’ve got story time at the library followed by some pool time. Then Tuesday or Wednesday I’m going to the lake one day and the free movies at the mall the other. Fun fun!

I’m glad Billy went back to work today. I like it better sometimes when it’s just me and the girls. His negativity over the last four days was seriously draining and made me more tired than usual.

Can you believe I haven’t seen the in-laws in a week? They are so strange. Billy’s been over there and his mom has talked to him on the phone a few times but she has no real interest in talking to me or making any plans with the girls. What else is new, right? I’m trying not to care and just keep myself busy but every summer since Emma was born she’s been home and it annoys me that she can’t help us out a little watching them or going with me some of the places I take them. Then I tell myself she’d just irk me if she did so it’s better this way, right?

Anywho, life is good right now. It feels full and I’m definitely not bored which is always a good thing.

“Bottoms up!”

Crazy Dreams

I sure wish I knew what this meant! I woke up and jotted this all down really fast so I wouldn’t forget. Details always fade as the day goes on.

Here are the dreams:

I am running in the misty rain. It’s New Year’s Eve, it’s dark and I know this. I’m downtown. I’m coming up the hill by Emma’s preschool. Suddenly there’s a young black guy next to me. He’s also running. He speaks to me but I’m scared. I tell him I’m headed to my family’s house. This is a lie. My family lives no where near this area. They are having a party I tell him. Everyone in the area is having a party but my family isn’t there. I’m younger than I am now in my dream. I am so nervous and scared. I just want to lose this guy.

I lead him towards the door of a house. There’s a party inside and people. I don’t go in but I can see through his eyes as he enters. It’s a nice house. It’s a historic district and the woman who owns it has it decorated with lots of country and antique style things. There’s a little nook on the side that is heated and has a bed and is decorated very feminine. The TV is on and a movie is playing. I recognize the movie but I’ve already forgotten what it was.

The black guy stays and eats their food and hangs out with them like he belongs. He falls asleep there. I start to run home. I see people waking up. It’s now daylight and all the party people from the night are waking up on the streets. It’s like 7:30. I feel guilty about the guy so I go back to check on him. I admit to the home owner that I lied and told him they were my family. She shows me his shoes. They are huge and expensive. I suddenly realize he was harmless. He’s probably just some high school kid that runs track. I run with his shoes in my arms. Then I feel guilty and turn around and bring him his shoes. He looks so hurt. He just asks me simply, “why?” and the dream fades to black like some sort of film.

Then I’m at a daycare. I am picking up Emma. She is a toddler at first. I see Tracy – this girl who hates me in real life. We were friends once but had a falling out three years ago and now she is crazy in her hatred. Not too long ago she sent me about 30 e-mails detailing her hatred and anger toward me (really! That isn’t part of the dream.)  Her son is there. She is thin – very thin! I try to avoid her eye contact but she speaks to me. She tells me she has been in jail for the last 5 months because of me. I am so scared. She takes her son and leaves. I hold Emma’s hand and tell the teacher in the room that this girl has it out for me and explain the situation.

I see her again. She tells me it is not against her parole if she hits me while wearing sunglasses. I notice she has about 5 pairs. She starts speaking Spanish. She learned it while in jail. I am really shaking. I have no idea what she is saying.

Emma is suddenly older but not a teenager just more the age she is now and verbal. She tells me that boy is her boyfriend. I ask her who she means and she meant Tracy’s son. He is bigger and older. She tells me he has touched her and she is his now. I am freaking out.

I am suddenly seeing through Tracy’s eyes. She no longer owns a car. She is catching a cab. The cab driver is a man from a foreign country. He has murder in his eyes. I see her get in the cab and it goes away.

I am awake.

What a horrible couple of dreams! I totally blame the fact that I ate before bed while reading The Shack. Yesterday wasn’t the greatest day. We went out for breakfast and Billy was in such a foul and negative mood that it sucked most of the joy out of the experience. Then we came home and he worked outside in the heat. I left him dinner in the crockpot and met an old friend of mine out for pedicures, shopping and then Panera Bread.

When I got home he was on the computer and would barely speak to me. I asked him for the computer for a little while (we have to share for a few weeks because the other one is being repaired) and he bitched at me that he’d only been on it for 10 minutes. He told me no but I insisted. He was being such an asshole. I hate how his bad attitude permeates the air in here and affects my mood. I try not to let it but it does. I’ll be glad when Sunday gets here and he goes back to work.

I feel like sometimes we can’t be normal around him. He’s annoyed if the kids’ toys are out. He can’t stand the mess. He doesn’t say anything nice to me. It’s like his expectations for the girls’ behavior are unrealistic. Cate was under the table at breakfast yesterday and he was livid. I’m sorry but she is three and sometimes kids do stuff you just don’t like. I hate to make a battle out of every single thing.

He gets to sleep in every single morning that he’s off from work. I never do. Partly that is my fault because I wake up early and my sleep isn’t as deep as his. I hear Cate and it wakes me.

I felt guilty spending his money on a pedicure last night but decided to do it anyway. He told me not too long ago he didn’t care if I did that once a month but he always says things like that and then when it comes down to it he plays these passive aggressive games like his mother does. I can feel that he doesn’t want me to go. It pulls at me and takes some of the enjoyment of the fun experience away.

Today is going to be a long one. Ugh. I want to run away.

Snuggle Bugs

Cate was up before the sun calling for me and wanting to snuggle. What a little sweetie. It’s a good thing I can get by on just seven hours of sleep! Guess she’s getting me ready for the fun of having a newborn.

I’ve been having lots of fun lately enjoying summer to the fullest. Some nights they don’t go to bed until after 9 p.m. *gasp* We’re so wild. Ha!

Yesterday was my doctor’s appointment. I’m 24 weeks already! The doctor said I have only gained seven pounds. That’s from 8 weeks to now though. I think total I’ve gained closer to 15 but I’m still really happy about that considering I gained over 30 pounds with Cate and over 50 with Emma! I guess I learned not to eat for two. I just eat what I did before I got pregnant and though I quit lifting weights and doing exercise classes, I do stay pretty busy so maybe that counts for something.

The MIL kills me with her freakin’ comments though about how I’m not showing and how she forgets I’m pregnant. I shouldn’t care but it irks me. Every summer she is off from her job and yet never shows any interest in the girls. Billy told her I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday so she had called last night to ask how it went. I told him not to call her back. It was after nine but he ignored me and called her anyway. FIL’s gone to the Eastern Shore to go fishing with a friend of his. Funny that he has time to do that but when I asked them about taking a short vacation to the beach with us he told me he couldn’t take the time off because they have so much to do around their house. Whatever!

Billy’s going to blacktop our driveway today and then next on our project agenda is pressure washing the house, the deck, staining the deck and painting our master bedroom. We also have to fix the basement door that is really in disrepair and has been for some time. It looks like shit. A house is just one giant money pit. I totally understand now why some people just rent and never own.

I’m thinking about having a little 4th of July party. It’s on a Saturday this year. Usually Billy has to work but this year he’ll be home. I’m thinking about keeping it very simple but it would be fun to have some adults over to hang out with. He says no one will come because most people have plans but all I’m thinking is getting a bunch of hot dogs at Sam’s Club, a big watermelon, some chips, baked beans and that sort of thing. Maybe a cake similar to PW’s for dessert. Like this. I saw those big sheet pans she uses at Sam’s last time we were there.

The girls are all racked out in here watching A Bug’s Life. Crazy kids. We took them swimming last night and then out for pizza. It was fun. I’m pretending I’m on vacation lately and just having fun, fun, fun!

Family Fun

I love when they love each other!

We had a great adventure yesterday. We went up to the Peaks. Had a delicious breakfast at the lodge and then went on a hike around the lake.

I actually got a few pics of me with the girls for a change!

Billy really enjoyed himself. It wasn’t very crowded. The girls each caught their very first fish. We saw lots of fun nature type things and I wore good shoes. Ha ha! Yep, he was thrilled.

Billy showing Emma the mountain across the lake.

This spot is where we were married almost 15 years ago. I am not sure if they even allow outdoor weddings there anymore. We got lucky I guess.

They had park rangers around the lake with pole fishing rods for kids to learn how to fish. There were artists all around drawing and painting the landscapes. I just love that they do that. We didn’t know in advance. I never plan anything. Just happened to stumble upon a good time.

Cate just loved touching the water. She subsequently fell in and got her shorts muddied and her shoes soaked. It was all good though. She still managed to hike with us with a whole lot of whining, crying and stopping.

Cate’s first fish!

Emma’s first fish!

Their daddy was so proud! The park ranger even made them a certificate. I plan to frame it along with one of the pictures I got. Cate was a little icked out by the fish but Emma was fearless! (No fish were harmed – we tossed ‘em right back in the lake.)

Exploring flora and fauna.

An artist’s rendering of the beauty that surrounded us.

What a great Saturday we had! Billy said it was the best father’s day gift. Hey, what can I say? He’s easy to please. I made a video of all the pictures I took but I couldn’t figure out how to post it here but if you know me well enough to be a Facebook friend of mine, you will find it there.

Last Day

It’s a beautiful Friday morning. It’s the last day of the VBS I’ve been taking the girls to. Yesterday was much better than the day before. Billy was home and we did a lot while they were at the church. We cleaned the neon he drives, dropped my van off to be inspected and repaired, canceled our cell phones, went to Starbucks (for me), and then went to Best Buy and splurged on two new really sweet Virgin mobile prepaid phones that have full keyboards on them for texting. I’m so excited about that! It will be nice to be able to text Billy when he’s at work and a few of my friends. I really hate talking on the phone so this works perfectly and it’s just 20 cents per text.

Oh, and I found out that our laptop (the one that’s messed up) is still under warranty! So I’m going to take it today and have them send it off to be repaired. The charger cord won’t stay in properly and it’s missing the letter O. Once it’s fixed it will be mine again and it’s much better than the one I’ve been using. I’m so glad I asked at Best Buy yesterday because the warranty ends on July 21. Talk about cutting it close!

I should go to the gym this morning but I’m not. I’m going out to buy a few more maternity tank tops because I’m annoyed that I don’t have that many. Not sure what else I’ll do. Billy doesn’t want to go with me. He wants to stay here but I may drag him along anyway just because I hate driving.

I kind of like that he’s off on weekdays now because it gives me a break to get away. I don’t care that he works on Sundays. It makes the week go by very fast.

Too much Is Just Too Damn Much!

I’m so tired. I feel like my moods are swinging like a pendulum. I want to cry. I want to scream.

These last few days I’ve had the girls going to Vacation Bible School and the three hour break is wonderful but it’s also very, very lonely. I have lots of friends but no one to hang out with. No one who would meet me for coffee. Not enough money to sit indulgently with my feet in a spa tub and get a pedicure. That makes me sad.

Over the years I have bitched, moaned and complained about my MIL’s indifference and sometimes understated animosity towards me. It would be nice to have a MIL to hang out with but you know what I’ve realized? I don’t want to hang out with her! We have nothing in common other than her son really. She is closed-minded, opinionated, and has an entirely different belief system from me. She is not funny. Her personality stinks really. Why would I want to be around that?

So what do I do? I entertain myself spending Billy’s hard earned money and then I feel guilty about that. I don’t buy anything big – tiny bargains here and there and some groceries. It adds up. His hours are still cut and we have to be careful and I know this but sometimes I ignore it and do it anyway.

He’ll be home tomorrow but I can already tell he’s going to be annoying. He came home from work tonight bitching and moaning about how he doesn’t feel good which is a sign of what’s to come – three days of his negativity. I yelled at him tonight. I had taken some leftovers to his parents. Took Cate with me so she could have some one-on-one time at the grandparents’ house for about an hour. When I came home the kitchen was still a wreck and he hadn’t even put away the food we’d eaten. I said not a word and just got to work cleaning it up even though my back was screaming, my ankle throbbing and my foot that always hurts was really, really hurting. Then I kissed the girls goodnight and sat down with my key lime pie. Food is my current drug. Shopping is secondary. What a seriously fucked up girl I am.

I really am such a freakin’ mess. I sit here in this tiny house stressing about where we’re going to put the baby and then I tell myself it’s going to be just fine. I can do this. I’ve done worse. It’s not like I have to go to work everyday AND raise three kids. I’m here. My life is my own really. I can make it difficult or I can make it simple. I have some outlets – the gym nursery, Cate going to preschool two mornings a week in the fall, Emma going off to kindergarten. Really. I can do this, right?

I brought this all on myself though and I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for something bad to happen. I have this little black cloud of impending doom hovering over me and I keep trying to ignore it but I feel it. I have these paranoid thoughts in parking lots that a car is going to come out of nowhere and injure or kill one of my daughters. I have delusions that the crazy man commenting on Emma’s pigtails in the grocery store really wants to molest her.

Sometimes I wish I were just normal and not so freakin’ weird. It seems like everyone else has it together and I’m just this big frazzled, frenzied mess. *sigh*

One Great Day!

First, a recipe, and I really ought to take a picture but I’m tired and don’t feel like it but seriously, these are delicious!

My variation on an easy banana bread recipe:

3 c. all purpose flour
Slightly less than 1 c. whole wheat flour
1 T. ground flax seed
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. kosher salt
3/4 c. sugar (the actual recipe called for 1.5 cups but it’s fine w/ less!)
6 very ripe bananas mashed
about 2/3 c. orange juice
4 eggs
1 c. vegetable oil.
1 tsp. vanilla extract (optional)
1 tsp. cinnamon (optional)
1/2 c. chopped walnuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350.

Spray 2 loaf pans w/ Bakers Secret (cooking spray w/ flour) or just regular cooking spray (I couldn’t decide which would be better so I used the first one and one cupcake pan (12 muffins).

I added fresh blueberries to the muffins – about 1/2 a cup I guess – didn’t measure. Left them out of the loaves though.

Mix wet ingredients into dry ingredients and bake loaves for about 50-60 min and muffins for 20-25 at 350 degrees.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Ok, so that’s what I did this morning and then we threw some stuff in a cooler, grabbed our swimsuits and took off! We went to the zoo. It’s very tiny but it was fun and bonus, almost FREE since I bought a membership earlier this year. The girls had fun even though they’ve been there before and you can be all around the zoo twice in less than an hour. It’s *that* small!

Then we had our picnic in the shade and they played on the playground for a bit. There is a rock wall that you can climb and then a slide to go down. It made me kind of nervous watching Cate on it but luckily there were no accidents. I just kept thinking she was going to fall.

We came down the mountain and I was feeling wild and crazy so we went to the pool at the gym. Again, basically FREE. The girls both played in the pool for a few hours and were fearless. It was great. I sat on a chaise lounge and watched them and got in every now and then. It was such a different experience from last year when they were smaller. So much more relaxing!

Starting tomorrow I’ll be taking the girls to Vacation Bible School in the mornings for a week. Three friends of mine are members there and two of them will be teaching Emma’s class so I’m feeling pretty good about it. It’s at a Baptist church and we are not Baptist but it’s a pretty laid back church and the three women I know that go there are all really great people which says a lot about the type of church it is.

I’m so excited about my three hours of freedom tomorrow. I have no idea what I’ll do with myself but it will be wonderful! I’m feeling really good and happy about my life today. Oh, and did I mention the girls are both taking a late nap? Yep, life is good.

(Sorry, Stephen, if you’re reading, I realize this is another boring post.)

Adventures with Girls

I took Emma and Cate to the state park yesterday for some “beach” fun. It takes about 30 minutes to drive to this place. Cost me $10 to get us in and then another $7.50 in hotdogs at lunchtime but we had a blast. I’m paying for it today with a sunburned back but other than that, it was money well spent.

I saw a little girl walking towards us and I told Cate to go see if she wanted to play. As it turned out, the little girl is actually someone I know’s kid. It worked out nicely. The chick and her husband came over and sat with us. I had someone to talk to and her daughter had an instant playmate. It was a win-win. Not to mention that it’s always nice to have a few extra pairs of eyes watching the kids near water. I don’t trust those bikini wearing teenage lifeguards any farther than I could throw them.

We stayed a little bit too long though thus the sunburn. When we got home, Emma was crashed out. I put Cate down, too. It was perfect! Then my friend Tammy came over to cut my hair. She is a bargain at $15 and lives close by. I just needed a trim but if I go to a salon, they want at least $25 (not including tip!) and I have to go there. That’s just a real pain in the ass since I don’t get out much without kids and when I do, time is of the essence.

I should head out to weed my garden this morning before it gets too hot. I have been procrastinating and now the weeds have taken over. I checked it out last night and I have a bunch of green tomatoes, flowers on my pepper plants and everything’s getting bigger and bigger. Supposed to rain today so that’s good. I can’t wait to eat homegrown tomatoes. *drool*

Well, off to make these peanut butter cookie bars for breakfast. A girl Billy knows from high school posted the recipe last night on Facebook. Her mom was the lunch lady. I’ll share it with you. They are yummy! I think I’m going to make my own chocolate icing though. 1) I don’t want to go to the store and 2) store bought frosting is ick.

Peanut Butter Fingers

Ingredients:

Bars:
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanila
1 1/2 cup raw oatmeal (not instant)
2 eggs
2 3/4 cup Peanut butter (smooth, use a good brand like Jiff)
1 tsp Baking soda (do NOT use baking powder!!!)
1 tsp salt
2 cups flour

Frosting:
any chocolate tub of icing you like! (Or be a bad ass like me and just whip up your own with some butter, vanilla, cocoa and powdered sugar.) Here’s a recipe.

Mix all bar ingredients together, beat on medium speed.
Press into a greased pan, bake at 350 for *20 minutes. After cooled, frost with favorite chocolate icing
*** the SECRET is to UNDERBAKE about 3- 4 minutes, ovens vary, and it also keeps the bars chewy and moist!!!

Edited:

Ok, I just stuck these in the oven. I didn’t use as much peanut butter as it called for. I cut the sugar by about 1/2 a cup and added 2 Tblsp. of ground flax seed to add some health to it. Ha!

I’m not sure chocolate icing is necessary. I think these would be yummy as is. Also, it made two cookie sheet pans of this stuff so I am going to freeze half of it.

Edited again:

Delicious! The flax gave it a little nutty crunch I think. It’s really good and I didn’t miss the full amount of sugar or peanut butter. Might post a pic of them later. . .

Shut My Mouth and Call Me a Gossip!

Last night was the end of year party for the MOMS Club I’m in – you know, the one I rejoined. It was held at a restaurant on their veranda and was a whole lot of fun. For $15 you got a drink, salad, and an entree and it even included your tip! What a bargain, right? Well, I couldn’t pass that deal up so I went.

I had a really enjoyable time. We played ice breaker type games and just laughed and laughed. I was sitting between two girls I barely know but, if you know me, I can talk to anyone and don’t meet strangers so it was all good. There were two girls sitting near me that I did know and two sitting across from me that I really know and like. I don’t know how or why but for some reason during the night – and I sincerely hope these woman were too tipsy to remember this! – I was telling them the story about this chick I know from Emma’s preschool and at the gym. We’ll call her . . . hmmm. . . Mrs. B (short for Mrs. Blowjob). Ok, so this story cracks me up no matter how many times I tell it. Here goes:

Last summer or maybe last fall a girl I know told me that Mrs. B had been caught in the hottub at the gym sucking not one but two men’s genitalia neither of which was her husband. This story has since been confirmed by two other parties one of whom works at said gym and one of whom was told by Mrs. B herself about this affair. Now, I’m no innocent little thing myself and the fact that someone would cheat on their husband even with two guys at once doesn’t really shock or surprise me. The part that I find totally hilarious is that this chick is so damn religious NOW!

She is one of those sing it from the rooftops Jesus lovers. (Not that I have a thing against Jesus!) She friended me on Facebook. Well, she’s kind of annoying so after awhile I deleted her. She sent me a message asking me why I deleted her. (Um, she has over 200 friends and she notices that I’m gone? What the heck, right?) Well, being the person I am and not wanting to be rude, I told her it must have been accidental and added her back. So daily, make that multiple times daily, she updates her status with things of a religious nature such as . . .oh, hang on, I’m going to go steal a few to show you the hilarity. . .

Mrs. B is excited to have the inside of the van detailed and all pretty again. The outside may have to until tomorrow, we’ll see, but I’m getting ready to swim with my littlest man and baby girl! Life is so good and I cannot praise Jesus enough for His love and forgiveness in my life!

and

Mrs. B    What a wonderful church service tonight. Thank you Pastor R! It is so good to have a reminder that God is still in the business of delivering people from their sins. All of us. Praise God!

Ok, well that’s but a small sampling but they are all ridiculously religious and all of them make me laugh given that I know she had an affair on her husband. Though granted maybe that’s why she’s so obsessed with God’s forgiveness and hey, good for her I guess for turning over a new leaf.

But here’s where I’m the dumb ass. In a moment of stupidity, I told several people about this story at the party because it cracks me up *that* much. How pathetic am I? Then as I’m driving home I realized that was really stupid of me. What if I offended someone mentioning such oral copulation? What if I offended someone because they know her? Oh, well. I guess it doesn’t matter. Hey, if she didn’t want people knowing her business she wouldn’t have been doing it at the gym in this very small town, right? Have the decency to go suck cock in your car or maybe a cheap motel room like any other self-righteous rightwing conservative christian. I really need to learn how to just keep my mouth shut though. *sigh*