Suppose I should go to bed instead of staying up. It’s after midnight. I fell asleep in this chair earlier tonight and now I can’t sleep. Go fucking figure.
I’m coughing and hacking and not feeling any better. I went to the doctor on Tuesday but he didn’t help me any. Just said to ride it out basically. This means I’ll probably still feel like crap two weeks from now and have to go back again at which point he’ll decide it was an infection and prescribe antibiotics. How much ya wanna bet? Grrr.
Tomorrow morning I’m meeting with Emma’s teacher for our conference. Billy will be home but I’ll have to bring Audrey in case she gets hungry. You never know with her. I only have two tiny bags of milk in the freezer and she hasn’t had a bottle yet. Suppose I could leave her but I’m scared to do that.
I’m worried about Emma. She’s so moody and angry lately. I feel like I barely see her. She’s off all next week though. I would love to be able to do stuff with just her but I can’t because Billy will be working. The girls will fight and it will be a rough three days. Then he’s off for Thanksgiving for only the second year ever. This is because work is slow and his hours will be cut severely starting next week.
My stomach stays in knots about this. I even thought about going to apply for WIC. Briefly thought about this because I think I’d die of embarrassment and we’re not that bad off that we can’t buy our own milk and cheese.
MIL gave me a good chunk of money for these pictures I bought of the girls the other day. I lied to her about the amount though. She wanted to give us half but I felt bad taking her money. They were pricey but I haven’t done them professionally in several years. They were these antique sepia pictures. I’ll have to take a picture of one to post here. Can’t find the damn cord to my scanner.
I was thinking earlier today that when Audrey gets a bit older maybe I can do some sewing type crafty thing here from home and sell it either online or to locals. Not sure what I’d make yet. Oh, and I’ve been using those cloth diapers. It cuts down on expense. They’re not perfect but with the waterproof covers over them they keep her dry and clean and work just fine for around the house. I have more than enough of ‘em. So I could always make diapers, baby slings, mei tais (a fancy carrier) I guess or I could make curtains. People are picky though so I don’t know.
I am making Audrey a little soft cloth book for Christmas. I’m downsizing our gifts to the girls big time. Audrey won’t remember being two months old. I’m just going to get her stuff she needs. I got Emma a Fancy Nancy doll and I’m going to get her some more books to go with it and I’m not sure what else. Yesterday Cate said she wants Strawberry Shortcake toys but that girl’s mind changes with the wind so I’ll wait a bit I think.
We are having Thanksgiving dinner here next Thursday and the in-laws are gracing us with their presence now that the grandfather has passed on. This is a first. Billy wants to deep fry the turkey and MIL offered to make ALL of the fixings but her food sucks compared to mine so I’d rather she didn’t. I told her to do the mashed potatoes. You can’t fuck those up, right? She’s insisting on making a few other things but I’d like to make some food, too so she can’t pull the martyr card and bitch about her lazy DIL to her friends. Ha ha ha.
I really hope this day and this weekend is better than the past few days. I feel myself sinking and wanting to isolate myself but if I do it would be bad so I force myself out into the world. Times like this I really wish *I* had a mother. I mean I do, right, but she doesn’t count since she’s basically non-existant in my life and has been for six years.
On a happier note. . .
Audrey had her one month check up yesterday – 10 lbs 2 oz now and she’s 22 inches. She’s grown 2 lbs and 2″ in just 5 short weeks. He said she’s healthy and doing great and no shots till next month. Woo hoo!





